Flying Solo

One of the things I like most when I fly solo is having all the space to myself. The back seats are usually filled with my backpack and jacket, while the right seat holds my iPad, navigation charts, kneeboard, a bottle of water, and occasionally some snacks for longer (and sometimes boring?) flights. Not much different from how I travel by car.

After handling take-off procedures and settling into cruise, I love relaxing and watching the landscape in comfortable silence, just the engine’s hum and the soft background chatter of the radio. A peaceful state that is hard to describe in words.

I’ve flown with instructors and occasional co-pilots in the right seat, but many of them felt like an intrusion into my private space. I learned a lot from my instructors, and I didn’t mind company on longer routes, but still, nothing anything life-changing. Flying solo remained my favourite way.

Until 2022, when I found the perfect co-pilot. My co-pilot, I dare say, someone I didn’t know could exist.

It wasn’t that I couldn’t fly alone. I could, and I still can. But with her, the cockpit felt different: natural, attuned, and effortless. Not an invasion of my space, the exact opposite. A perfect complement to what had always been an empty seat.

There were witty comments, gentle smiles, and a level of attunement I didn’t think was possible. We could cooperate without needing to explain.
There was deep trust, the kind that silently says: “I know you can handle this, but whatever happens, I’ll always have your back.”

Flying with her felt like we could fight the world together.
I still struggle to explain it properly. She didn’t just sit beside me, she felt like a continuation of my self within the same cockpit.

Now that she is no longer here, I feel the painful emptiness of that seat. It’s not that I can’t fly solo anymore -I can, and I do- but it doesn’t feel the same. It never will.

My things on the right seat no longer feel like mine, but like an intrusion into what once was hers. Sometimes I hesitate to even place my iPad there, as if I’m trespassing.

I’m almost reaching UNDAP and preparing to intercept the ILS 36 into Milan Linate. I need to focus on ATC, the procedure, and the aircraft.

I will land this plane,
despite the lump in my throat
and the ache in my chest.

Milano Radar, I-TARA changing with Linate Tower, over.
Du fehlst mir so sehr.